Touching Ghost (SEALs On Fire) Read online

  “Are you sure you don’t want to stay here instead of at my hotel?”

  He cruised through the circular drive, stopped in front of two elaborate front doors and after braking to a stop, leaned in close. The scent of soap and red-hot man swam through her senses. “There’s no place I’d rather be than with you, Sadie, so wherever you are is what suits me best.” He prefaced the comment by sinking his fingers into her hair and pulling her close. His warm breath caressed her face seconds before he kissed her long and slow. After several heart-stopping moments, he drew back long enough for her to become lost in his soft gray eyes. “Besides, I like the privacy of your room. I’m not done with you, Doc. Not by a longshot.”

  “Good to hear it, because I have hot plans for later.” After sending the most lecherous look she could muster up and then down his body, she grinned at him, hoping the desperation she felt didn’t show. The clock was her enemy as bittersweet emotion barreled its way through her heart. She wasn’t done with him either. She never would be.

  On a mission to gather his things, they stepped from the car and met a small army of maids heading into the house. The troupe of women smiled, obviously recognizing him, and Ren chatted with them, his mastery of Spanish very clear, as they allowed them into the mansion.

  “Spanish, too? I’m so impressed.”

  Ren shrugged. “Comes in as handy as Arabic these days.”

  She supposed it did.

  He continued to surprise and impress her with the depth of his knowledge. Brains and brawn. What an intriguing combination.

  Once they were in the giant foyer, her attention was captured by the ‘digs’ as he called this spectacular house. Amazing didn’t begin to describe it! She’d grown up accustomed to nice neighborhoods and living in a beautiful home, but it certainly didn’t compare with the wealth displayed here. She wanted to explore every little bit of it, but Ren took her hand and together they walked up the stairs until they found the wing where his bedroom was located.

  Oversized terrazzo tiles on the floor practically begged that she kick off her flip flops and experience the coolness on the bare soles of her feet. Elegant light fixtures hung from high ceilings, and gauzy lengths of fabric hung from rods over the massive bed. Across the room, French doors led to a large balcony overlooking the ocean.

  Immediately, she walked across the room and stepped out onto it. Leaning against the marble railing, she stared out and wondered why she didn’t just pack up and move out here. Seagulls cruised through the air, their wings vibrant against the azure sky, and the scent of salt and fresh air swept through her head. Sadie took in the view and, once again, wished for more time.

  Feeling Ren’s presence, she glanced over her shoulder to see him standing beside her. “I love it here so much. There’s nothing quite like escaping from the ‘real world’ and finding yourself landed smack dab in the middle of heaven. I love everything about this place. I love…it here.”

  She’d almost said the words. Almost. Sadie knew he didn’t want to hear I love you. No doubt their time together, the sex, all this, was just a matter of affection realized and satisfying his curiosity about how things might be with them. She was a realist who’d learned long ago that a person just had to get on with things. Husband is gay? Okay, get a divorce and move on. Love a man who is far out of reach? Forget about it and move on. Her entire life had been about accepting things that were out of her control. But now? Now she was going to enjoy this time with Ren and then she would steel her heart and, once again, move forward.

  Somehow.

  “What thoughts are rolling around in that intelligent brain of yours?”

  Sadie laughed, wiggled her brows, and slid him what she hoped was a sexy look. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

  Ren moved behind her to wrap his arms around her torso. His hands settled over her belly and without thinking, she moved against him, loving the warmth of his body snuggled so perfectly against hers, back to front.

  He was every woman’s wicked, smoldering hot dream. But it was about more than his sex-on-a-stick body. Ren was kind, compassionate, and a man who felt it his calling to protect the innocent. No doubt that was because very few people had protected him. Love for him, need of him, ripped through her, and she wanted to cling to every single moment.

  Sadie started to turn in his arms, but he stopped her by brushing her hair aside. She tilted her head to the side as he buried his lips against the sensitive side of her neck. “Ren.”

  “Not going anywhere.” He nipped her flesh and kneaded her belly. When had his hands moved beneath her T-shirt? It didn’t matter. Anything he wanted to do was fine with her. “Look down, honey. See those men trimming the hedges?”

  She dragged her eyes open and, indeed, several gardeners were industriously pruning trees and shrubs flanking the massive pool area. One glanced up casually, removed his hat and applied a handkerchief to his brow before returning to his work.

  “Uh huh.”

  “Wonder what they’d do if they knew I was going to fuck you right out here, in the open?”

  Sadie gasped, started to call him a crazy man, but words escaped her. Ren moved his hands from her belly and slid them with agonizing slowness over her ribcage until he cupped her breasts in his palms.

  “Ren!”

  He laughed, the sound all low and rumbly, as his thumbs went to work on her puckered nipples. Over and over, he circled the flesh, pinching lightly before soothing them with his fingertips. Sadie’s head lolled back to rest on his upper chest. The thud of his heart pounded against her back. Oh, yeah, he was turned on, too. His breath rushed over her cheek, hot and fast. “Have I told you how pretty your breasts are? You have the sweetest, pinkest nipples I’ve ever tasted.”

  Sadie moaned low.

  “Shh. Don’t want those men down there to hear you, do you?”

  “Killin’ me, Ren.”

  “I haven’t even started.”

  “Uh oh.”

  Again, he laughed, but all humor died when he abandoned her breasts to reach for the hem of her skirt. Up, up, up it went until he had it gathered in a bunch at her waist. Warm air caressed her exposed thighs, and sensation curled low in her belly, pulsed in her pussy. Wet. Beneath the lacy panties she wore, her flesh was drenched. Ren inserted a leg between hers to prod her legs apart. “Open up for me. I want to touch you.”

  His fingers pushed beneath the elastic of her panties, and she felt momentarily embarrassed by the flood of juices that rained from her body. “Bend over the rail. Just a little bit.”

  Sadie did as he asked, lost in the command in his voice, the touch of his hands on her body. He plunged two fingers deep, and she cried out.

  “Shh,” he whispered. “Not a sound. Don’t want those men down there to know we’re up here on the balcony about to fuck, do you? Open your eyes and look at them, Sadie.”

  “O-okay. Ren, my God! Please.”

  Ren fingerfucked her slowly, pausing every other stroke to brush and circle her clit with his thumb. Savage pleasure, dark and sinful, danced over her skin. She was hot and not just from the temps outside on this warm Florida day. She burned from the inside out, and only the man standing behind her so skillfully manipulating her flesh could put out the flame. Again and again, he touched her, finally crooking a finger to rub the sensitive pad of nerves behind her pubic bone. Her G-spot. A wild trembling set up in her thighs, and she stretched out her arms to grip the railing. “Ren. I’m coming. I’m coming.”

  “Not yet. Not without me.”

  “Hurry.”

  Sadie fought the urge to cry out her misery the instant his hands left her. She heard the rasping of a zipper, the faint tearing of plastic, and knew he covered himself with a rubber. Hurry, hurry, hurry. The words whipped through her mind, and then he was there perfectly positioned to take her on the wildest ride of her life. The thick head breached her opening, and Ren pushed inside so slowly she thought she’d scream from frustration.

  The tender, slow fuc
king was beyond delicious and better than any sex she’d ever had before, but she needed more and wanted it now. Tension whipped through her system until she was drawn so finely she thought she might break. Tighter and tighter the pleasure wound. Ren gripped the front of her thighs, pushing harder, faster, higher, deeper.

  “I’m coming, Ren. I’m coming.”

  “Yeah. That’s it. Do it, honey, because I don’t think I want to wait a second longer for you to come apart. I love fucking you like this.”

  Inner walls milked the thick stalk in little spasmodic pulses. Sadie wanted to scream her damn head off, but the sight of all those workers down below made her hold her breath. When Ren found her clit and squeezed it hard between his thumb and forefinger while continuing to plunge deep, she whimpered, gasped, then groaned low as her body shook with her climax.

  “God, you’re sweet,” he said, his words dark and more seductive than any she’d ever heard. Seconds later, he made a raw, savage sound against the side of her neck as he blasted his pleasure into that thin barrier of latex.

  He trembled, she trembled, and then they collapsed against each other.

  Could she learn to live without this kind of sexual pleasure and this man she’d loved all of her life? Tears filled Sadie’s eyes when he pulled her against him and held her as if he never wanted to let her go. Her hands swept his side, bumped against the damn black pager attached to his belt, and reality came crashing in.

  Ren kept the thing with him twenty-four/seven, and at any moment, he and the rest of the team could be called into a terrorist hot spot. The thought chilled her, and along with that came the realization that if worse came to worse, she wanted Ren to know just exactly what he meant to her. She loved him, and it was time he knew the truth.

  Chapter Five

  Ren glanced over Sadie’s bare shoulder to see the damn pager setting on the night stand in her room and wanted to cuss. The thing served as a constant reminder that his time was quickly running down, and the moment when he had to leave this darling woman would come sooner rather than later. His entire life had been a pretense, and what he would do now was no different. He hated it.

  As a kid, he’d pretended that nothing and nobody mattered. His dad hit him? So what? That had been his stance back then. Lonely? Sad? Who, him? He wore a chip the size of a damn boulder on his shoulder. Even now, the nature of his work demanded that he pretend things that just weren’t true.

  Now, he had to fake it again.

  Telling Sadie that this, the sex, the affection had only been a trip down memory lane for him was the worst pretense of all. She was everything that was good and sweet and worth keeping, yet he would throw her away.

  To save her.

  No, he wasn’t noble. Making love with sexy Sadie had been the deepest wish of his heart, and he wasn’t stupid. He could see the tears that floated randomly across the surface of her eyes and knew there wasn’t a shallow bone in the woman’s body. She loved him. She always had. The evidence of that love was plain as day on her pretty face. And because he was a selfish, indulgent prick, he had to break her heart. His, too. Sadie deserved more than an emotionally damaged man who might leave on a mission and never return. She deserved those two or three perfect kids and the perfect man and the spectacular house.

  As they lay in bed, the sheet rumpled and warm around their bodies, he dragged his hand down the length of her back, loving the way she wrapped her long legs around his.

  “I keep waiting for the axe to fall,” she whispered.

  He couldn’t see her face. She’d tucked it away, leaving him with only the image of her curly hair. “What axe?”

  She laughed a little. “That pager. I hate that damn thing. Guess it’s the axe I’m thinking of. Keep waiting for it to beep. I don’t know. Maybe it’s more than that. Why are you so quiet?”

  Despite the intimacy of the moment, Ren felt the tension and knew she did, too. He blew out a breath. “It has been good seeing you again, Sadie. I have so many memories tied up with you.”

  She looked up, and the sadness in her eyes made him want to bawl like a bare-assed baby. “Is that all this is, Ren? You can tell me the truth. I won’t break.”

  She might not break, but he sure as hell wanted to. Already, his heart was cracking into a million pieces. Knowing the hardest moment of his life was upon him, he untangled his legs from hers and sat up on the side of the bed. Feeling every kind of coward, he kept his back to her. “This won’t work, Sadie. You know that. Too much time has passed, and though I’ve loved seeing you, being with you like this, our lives are just too different. You don’t see this thing between us as anything permanent, do you?”

  Silence fell.

  Ren didn’t want to look back at her. He wanted to shove his naked body into his clothes and run from the room, but he forced himself to face her.

  Damn it. Goddamn it!

  Tears swam across her eyes to drip down her face. She’d pulled herself up, the sheets puddled around her hips, and Ren felt like he’d kicked a puppy. Sadie’s bottom lip trembled.

  “I don’t know what I thought,” she whispered. “I guess I wanted to see you again so I could finally tell you that I’m in love with you. I always have been. Dumb of me, but I hoped maybe you would feel the same.”

  His eyes burned.

  Ren turned away and began to gather his clothes. Once he’d shrugged into them, he went about the business of stuffing his things into his bag. He couldn’t put it off any more. It was best to make a clean break. “We’re friends, sweetheart. I hope we always will be, but you have things to get back to, and so do I. I just don’t have room in my life for a woman, no matter how incredible she is. And you are incredible. You’re the kindest, most precious person I know, and believe me, some wonderful man is going to be really lucky to find you.”

  Sadie stood naked from the bed and faced him head on. Gone was the bit of modesty she’d shown that first night. She reached over to flip on a lamp and glared at him. Her hands went to her face to furiously scrub the tears away. “Coward. I don’t want some wonderful man. I want you. Of all people, I thought you’d be man enough to face things head on, but instead, you’re ready to run like a big baby. Don’t tell me lies and expect me to buy it like a pansy-ass. I won’t, Ren.”

  Stunned by the outrage, he stared at her.

  Lord he loved this woman. His mom would call her a whippersnapper. Yep. Whippersnapper. She was more than sweet. She was feisty and strong and, um, had a little bit of a temper. Why had he never noticed it before?

  He was pretty much speechless, but as he watched her tremble in fury, he opened his mouth then shut it again as Sadie stepped closer and pointed a finger in his face. “I know what you’re thinking, Ren. You think you’re not good enough. Screw that! You think your work is dangerous. Well, la-di-da. Walking across the street can be dangerous. Going to work can be dangerous. Kids get cancer and, bless their hearts, can die leaving everyone to wonder why. I’m a doctor, you dumbass. I know a little bit about danger, too. So why don’t you climb off your high horse and realize that we’re all in this big, wide world together, doing the best we can?”

  Sadie took a deep breath.

  Ren stayed silent, wondering what more little pearls of wisdom would fall from her lips.

  At last, she shook her head, and that sad look was on her face again. “Don’t you get it? Life is short. Yeah, you could get hurt out there, but you can’t live your life afraid of that. You do your job and put that fear into a little compartment to look at another time. Living can be scary. Loving can be terrifying. Sometimes you just have to go for it. So yeah, life is short, Ren. Far too short. And don’t think for a minute I’m going to let you walk out that door without me saying that I love you. You can leave, but not before you know the truth.”

  This little moment of reality was like a punch in the gut.

  He stared. She stared. Tears started to pour from her eyes again, and Ren knew in that instant that if he only had a handful of tomorr
ows left, he wanted to spend them with her. Words were useless, senseless things so he reached for her, and when she wrapped her arms and legs around him, he felt at home, something he had never experienced before.

  “Sadie. My sweet, sweet, Sadie.”

  Ren gripped her bare ass and kissed her, all the savage intensity, all the love in his heart ripping through his system focused on her and this moment. She’d won, but then so had he. His lips took hers with punishing force, and he sent his tongue deep to taste the spicy flavor of her mouth. Cinnamon and sugar, a potent combination that made his cock go hard behind the fly of his jeans. Nipping at her lip, stroking her tongue with his own was simply not enough.

  He carried her to the bed and laid her down in the midst of the covers. “You win, my darlin’. You win.”

  “Oh, goody. I love to win,” she whispered, and suddenly Ren laughed. He laughed so hard his belly tightened. Sadie stared at him like he was a crazy man, but it didn’t matter. Joy climbed up from his gut and burst out like some goofy song, and soon she was giggling, rolling around in the messed-up bed like a little girl who’d just gotten the best, most bad assed surprise of her life.

  Still grinning, Ren stripped off his clothes and looked down at her. She finally composed herself to beam a soft, watery smile at him. “I love you, Ren. I love you so much I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.”

  All humor faded into something warm and cozy that curled tenderly around his heart. He’d always thought it was only women who craved that whole happy-ever-after thing, but Ren was fast learning that men wanted it, too.

  Okay. He’d take it. He’d take her.

  Naked, he crawled into the bed beside her, wrapped her up and pulled her in. “I’ve always loved you even when I was that confused kid back in Oklahoma. I’d thought those feeling would fade over time, but it never happened.” He kissed her softly then stared straight into her eyes. “I can’t tell you how many nights I spent tucked in some cave in the desert with you uppermost in my mind. Sometimes, I think it’s the only thing that kept me sane. There is no one on the planet who means more to me than you, Sadie Ballew. You had my heart then and you have it now.”